Introduction
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place". Consider, really consider, this quote by George Bernard Shaw. We know as humans who interact, relate and connect with other humans, that communication is a key factor, if not ‘the’ key factor for relational success. Yet, as George Bernard Shaw indicates, there is this illusion, impression, that how we have communicated with others has been ‘enough’ or ‘successful’. However, based upon research, and more than likely your own relational upsets from your own relationships, communication is often a missing or neglected element in relationships. According to the APA (2016), roughly 40-50% of those from a Western culture will become divorced. While this may not affect you currently, consider this additional fact by the APA – 90% of all of those individuals will marry by the age of 50. Sadly, the divorce rate is even higher for those individuals who marry more than once.
Dr. Thomas Lee from the department of Family and Human Development at Utah State University, indicates that there are many factors that affect the success of relationships, some of which the couples can control and some which they cannot (2001). Listed as one the nine influential factors that negatively affect relationships is the lack of effective communication. Further, Dr. Lee indicates that happily married couples tend to: (a) talk to each other more often, (b) are more sensitive to each other's feelings, and (c) use non-verbal communication more effectively. For certain, these aren’t pleasant statistics to review, as they will affect approximately half of you reading this text! But, the good news is that once we are aware of the possible stumbling blocks, we can then begin to apply and implement new tools and techniques for improvement. We aren’t destined for failure if we choose to focus upon communication as a successful means for relational success.
Most people see communication as being central to their lives. Therefore, most of you would acknowledge that developing your communication skills is central to your success in school, in the world of work, and in your social and personal relations. Many have claimed that without communication, we ‘humans’ would lose our humanity! As Sean Stephenson quotes, "Communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an extension of our humanity". This is because communication defines who we are and who we are not; it limits or accelerates our success and; it reveals our competence or hides our idiocy. It assimilates us into human society or ostracizes us as belonging to the likes of the ‘Wild Boy of Aveyron,’ who was found in the South of France communing with animals and walking with all four limbs. He ate just as fellow ‘animals’ did, and imitated their grunts in an attempt to communicate his feelings and desires in this animal kingdom, clearly lacking in the social skills that humanize most of us.
We are all communicative beings, and if we understand the nature of communication and apply its tenets to our lives, then we can improve our view on life and make the world a better place not only for ourselves, but for our loved ones and others we come in contact with. Application is the key to knowledge and growth. Knowledge in and of itself is not enough for change – action and application are the keys. Consider this thought as we venture into understanding interpersonal communication and relationships – we can’t do what we don’t know. Let that statement resonate for a moment.
Whenever many people think of their interpersonal relationships, they think of the adequacy and effectiveness of their communication – ascribing marriage and relational problems to failure of or the lack of communication as was mentioned above. Often, and erroneously, they prescribe more communication rather than effective communication as a ‘cure’ to their marital and relational woes. Similarly, when there are international and national or world political conflicts, these multidimensional phenomena are blamed on lack of communication among the hostile partners or groups. But, we can see a pattern emerging in all areas of this discord – communication, communication, communication!
Humans have a need, and desire, for communication, just as we desire food, water, air, and life’s other necessities. Communication is the mechanism that drives and directs human life; it is the element that qualifies humans as social beings and distinguishes us from animalistic cultures. However, communication, while it is so important to human life and survival, is not always the solution to all of human problems. To understand what communication is and what it is not, we have to define it, examine its various principles and contexts, and identify its different purposes and the possible consequences of its effective and ineffective usage.
| Contents | Section 2 |